Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A letter to my 17 year old self....

Hi!

i know you are never going to believe that I am sending you this from your future, but there are going to be some major changes that you are going to go through and I want you to know that in the end, when the dust settles...you are going to be stronger than you are today and you will be a better person for all of it. I know right now your most important choice is whether you are gonna go to class or not, or what you Krissy and Kimmy are going to do Friday night. Enjoy it now, while you can. Now, I am not going to say that you don't have some pretty awesome times coming in your future, but there are some pitfalls that I think you need to know about.

1. There will be some people that will hurt you badly. You wear your heart on your sleeve and want to believe that everyone has good intentions, but this just is not the case. Some people have a mean streak, some people just don't know any better, and some people have the best of intentions and just make mistakes. Sometimes someone just can't love you enough to do what is best for you. Not every one is giving and unselfish, and that is ok. Your run in's with these people teach you some pretty important things and they are things that you need to know. At multiple points you will want to run and hide your heart, don't. Just trust me, be you and keep wearing that heart on your sleeve, it will get better and you will end up where you deserve to be.

2. Your son will be the MOST amazing thing to ever happen to you......point blank. He is funny and sweet and loves you more than any other human being ever could. He is going to need you (even when you think he doesn't). There will be times where you want to scream, pull your hair out and run away....but within minutes he will remind you why you won't ever really want to do it. He is really good at making you laugh after you've reached the end of your rope. Just remember..... MOST amazing thing ever created, and you did it.

3. There will come a day where you feel like your world is crashing down around you, a day where you have to make choices that you DO NOT want to make, but it will be ok. Things will get better, the dust will settle and you will survive. In time you will meet an amazing man who will make you feel like no one else ever has. He will love you more than anyone else ever cared to, and he will treat you like you matter. You deserve this, You will try to push him away (because this is what you are used to doing, get rid of them before they get rid of you, right?) but he will stand strong and not let you do it. He is the first man to be able to stand up to you and still love you at the same time, and while it is scarier than anything you have faced, it is absolutely worth every minute. And I promise it will not take you long to believe that you deserve it and you will be able to accept it and just be happy, really happy for the first time in your life. Embrace it.

Just remember, you are stronger than you think and you deserve more than what you will accept at first. It may take you a little bit but you will figure it all out and in the end you will be living the life you should be. It will never be a "privileged lifestyle" but it will be the most precious thing in the world to you. You will finally feel fulfilled, loved, treasured, brave, courageous, beautiful, capable and confident. I can't wait for you to see it, you are gonna be blown away.

D.

Thirty.......

I thought turning thirty would be completely different than it was, actually I expected it to be very uneventful. I guess that is because that is how every birthday has been for me for the longest time. No one ever made a big deal out of it, usually there wasn't a lot of people who actually remembered......This year was actually amazing though. I am very blessed.  I have an amazing son. I have a man in my life who loves me very, very much. Along with him he has brought two amazing kiddos and a group of amazing friends that I just fit into without even trying. I have some amazing friends of my own and a family that loves me very much. If someone told me 10, even 5 years ago that this is where I was going to end up I would have laughed in their face. I am so very blessed to be able to share my life with these amazing people and with you through this blog. I am glad I have somewhere that I can share my feelings, although sometimes it may come out in a jumble and it may be hard to understand what I am thinking or where I am coming from, it helps me to say it. i may not have millions in the bank (Ok, most days I don't even have hundreds lol), I may not have a brand new car or a big, fancy house. I am ok with that though, cause I am blessed enough to have a wonderful, amazing boyfriend with a beautiful soul who is a genuinely good man. I have kiddos that are so much more than just little people, they are beautiful, amazing people that are going to change the world for the better. I have friends and family that would do anything for me and vice versa. I am a lucky, blessed and happy girl, and at 30 there is nothing more I could ask for. I have been through a lot and sometimes did not fully believe I would make it through in one piece, but I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I thank god everyday that I was strong enough to get here, this is where I was meant to be and there is no where else I would rather be, and at thirty there is no other person I would rather see when I look in the mirror. This just starts the second half of my journey in this life and I am not going to take any of it for granted, I am going to live it to the fullest and make it the best that I can for those that I love!